moving on

So many things have happened since I wrote last!
Training intensified, and for about two weeks we had something due almost everyday: charlas, speeches, commitment to serve presentations, readiness to serve presentations, any (legal) hoop that one might need to jump through to show allegiance we were presented with, and I am glad. It was a really great opportunity to reflect on why we were here and make sure that we still wanted to be here.
Last week I was able to co-facilitate a project about privilege with some amazing women and my group and I was re-energized, reminded once again why unpacking privilege is important, why we need to constantly evaluate and reevaluate ourselves, push through and embrace the awkward. It was so wonderful to see things dawn on people, for them to realize "woah, I was given a lot". Just, beautiful moments of personal growth, I will never forget being a part of that and will be forever grateful for the opportunity.
I also learned that maybe my inability to connect with some of the people here is because we come from ***really*** different backgrounds. I knew prior to this that I was someone an odd man out, given that I come from a very working class factory: my mom works at a factory, before that she was a janitor, my dad a commercial painter, to say the least there wasn't a lot of rolling in dough. I am here surrounded by people who knew they were going to college, it was their destiny, people who were told from a young age they could be whatever they wanted to be when they grew up.
We did the circle step forward exercise where if that line read applies to you then you step forward. That last question was the one that got to me..."were you told you could be anything you wanted when you grow up as a child?" Out of 32 people 29 stepped forward. I stood there, in my same spot, reflecting on my childhood. My wonderful step-dad at the time telling me I would never be anything, I would end up knocked up at 15 by some guy named Bubba, and Bubba probably wouldn't even love me, because I was unlovable. In that moment as I stood there, in a football field in Guatemala, surrounded by comrades and friends I felt the greatest surge of emotions I have felt in an embarrassingly long time. I felt shame for letting those words still live inside of me, literally weighing me down, and then I felt overwhelming joy and pride. No matter what I come from, or didn't I was there. I did it, I made it, beat the odds. I not only don't have any children with someone named Bubba, but I finished high school, college, and am now joining the ranks of some of the most incredible people. And for once at the end of that thought I didn't think "fuck you I made it without you or in spite of you, jerk" and having that feeling of anger and resentment, I thought "here I am" and smiled.
Lots of feelings lately.
Thank you again for your continuous support my lovely amigos.