Commitmitment to service

Going off the last post of needing to jump through hoops, the day before swear in we were asked to prepare something creative to share with the group, a dedication of sorts to represent or willingness and readiness to serve the people of Guatemala. I shared a quote that means so much to me because it captures how I feel about feels basically, thanks Kai <3
Also, given the giant hippie I am, I wrote a poem and would like to share it with you all (p.s.it's real gay ;P)
The quote:
Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything you also feel responsible for everything, and you cannot turn away, your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must learn to carry the universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors. -Andrew Boy
This quote is the Peace Corps to me. It was how I felt before the PC too, you know that lovely thing where I am a sponge and soak up everyone's feelings...this helped keep things in perspective, but also reminded me the importance of balance.
The poem:
                                                                    Gypsy Soul
When I first learned of my impending relationship with Guatemala I was apprehensive at best; I felt as though I were entering an arranged marriage...and I was anxious. I didn't know anything about her, nor her about me, I heard she could be moody (see natural disasters), and sometimes she smelled bad...and we literally didn't even speak the same language.

Then, on February 12th, after countless sleepless nights, what seemed like forever of trying to find the perfect thing to wear, and a myriad of tearful goodbyes, I met her. I was immediately entranced be her exotic beauty, everything she had to offer, the wonderful sum of her parts, and though I was still unsure if we were right for one another my interest was piqued, and my curiostiy endless.

As days turned into weeks our exciting rendezvous turned into something a little more...sustainable [pc joke]. Our potential tryst becoming ever more serious week each experience. She took me on dates: She took me to her most beautiful mountain peak, with a view that words could never do justice, where she gently kissed my face with delicate dew drops. She took me to her markets with I encountered the most vibrant fruit, a kaleidoscope's worth of color at every turn. She introduced me to people more kind and giving than I ever imagined existed. She also gave me an incredible family, my first functional family, that welcomed me into their home, as one of their own...with a two year old who now calls me "tia".

Begrudingly today, with a heavy heart, I realize someday our paths will part. Though I cannot fathom the sadness I will experience that day, I know I have forever been changed by my relastionship with Guatemala, a country that has to be discovered for oneself and  a person just beginning the journey of self discovery. Where ever life takes me after this I will always carry her with me, in my gypsy heart, and to borrow from the great poet E.E. Cummings:
"I carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart with me, your wonderful people, your history, your hopes,aspirations, needs, all that I have and will experience here I carry with me (i carry it in my heart)."
 And if hope is a kamikaze whisper from my lips, then let it crash upon my unending desire to give back to the country and people who have already given me so much.
 

Yay feelings.